Line of Fire

This isn’t a post about answers for marriage, but questions. I hope in time, I will come to a better understanding and perhaps document insight in a later post.

I thought I knew what marriage was “supposed” to look like. Admittedly, I have no idea now. I don’t know if that’s age or experience that accentuate reality, or a purposeful dissection of everything I’ve been taught.

My parents are still married. They met when they were in Junior High, were each others’ first everything, and have been together since. They literally grew up together and raised a family at the same time. I can’t think of one thing taught to me more than purpose is in a “good marriage.” I heard often, “They (so and so) don’t have a good marriage.” Now, I wonder, how can we judge this? I thought I knew a lot about marriage before I even entered adulthood. And I thought, more than anything, I would be good at it. I doubt I am.

Pursuit of marriage became an idol for me. Looking back, I recognize this clearly. I was more focused on being in relationship with man than with God and who God created me to be for Him. God shook that up.

I won’t go into a long detailed dialogue of my journey in relationships, but just that the journey brought me to a place of completely letting go of my definition of what a marriage should be. I question the current evangelical view of marriage.

Last year, I went to a popular evangelical marriage conference. Previously, I would have reveled in the information, but instead, it was very uncomfortable, and I didn’t really know why. I think it feels like an idol. Happiness, feelings, combine everything, become one, feel good, etc. Can we deduce a “good” marriage? Where is the holiness of God? Why does it feel like a cult-like definition of marriage? How can marriage look the same for everyone when we are so different? Can’t God work in different ways in each life and each relationship? How does marriage look Biblically, especially in the past?

I started documenting all the references of marriage in the Bible. Granted, it was different times, cultures, etc, but the history is rich and very telling. Most of the godly men referenced in the Old Testament had multiple wives. Marriage was not spoken of in the Old Testament at all like it is in the churches of today. It’s almost as if it had a different function. So did all of that change with the New Testament? Is that the difference? That marriage represents the relationship between Christ and the Church?

My favorite example today is Solomon. There are a handful of Bible studies on marriage directed toward Song of Songs (or Songs of Solomon). The argument is that the poetic dialogue is between a Godly covenant of man and wife. Solomon had 700 wives and 300 concubines.

I’ll leave that right there.